


Even A Fool Knows

by igotostay



Series: skz: playlist of our life [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alludes to Anxiety, Alludes to Depression, Angst, Author Projecting, Based on 'Mixtape: On Track', Gen, HYUNSUNG, Hwang Hyunjin-centric, M/M, hyunho - friendship, minsung - Freeform, no happy ending, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:02:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27434761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/igotostay/pseuds/igotostay
Summary: Based on 'Mixtape: On Track' (바보라도 알아)Hint: Jisung's the girl // Aftermath of the M/VHe's the kindest person anyone has met, and he was in love with him; Han Jisung.Except, so was his best friend Minho. And Hyunjin just knew, he was screwed.TW: Allusions to mental illnesses - Depression (self-harm/unhealthy coping mechanisms) and Anxiety
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han & Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin & Lee Minho | Lee Know
Series: skz: playlist of our life [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1983718
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	Even A Fool Knows

it was too late to have regrets. hyunjin knew he should've done something, anything, to prevent this outcome. he had dreamed of his daring confessions before, repeating the same mantra every day that today would be the day he bore his heart to him. han jisung. but, as always, he could never bring himself to do it. 

and jeongin's brilliant idea to make a short film with all of them before they graduated made things worse. but hyunjin had no one to blame but himself, really. he had convinced himself that looking through the camera scope at jisung would be enough to satisfy him for now. that there was no need to confess to the younger. 

and that proved to be a fatal mistake. because minho beat him to it. hyunjin still remembered the fateful day clearly, one that would remained etched in his mind, causing a sharp sting in his chest. 

hyunjin should have picked it up earlier. or perhaps he had been ignoring the little signs. the build-up of minho's courage to confess to jisung before them all. their little film had been the turning point, with both minho and jisung as the romantic interests. and hyunjin had pretended he didn't notice the little glances they shot at each other. the subtle smiles they had shared, in their own world, blissfully unaware of others around them. 

hyunjin should've known it was only wishful thinking that jisung would have liked him back. it wasn't as if he could compete with minho, the legendary dance club president. and minho made sure hyunjin knew that all the time; rubbing in the fact that minho was basically perfect, and hyunjin just wasn't. 

they had been friends, they all were. but minho seemed to pick up on hyunjin's feelings earlier than clueless hyunjin was able to. and they had drifted, further and further, as they both began competing for jisung's love. but hyunjin, naive hyunjin, trusted minho to still have all their best interests in mind, that minho would still stay by his side as his friend. 

how wrong he was. and how evidently clear minho had made it. it was in the small things that minho expressed his displeasure with hyunjin. the little frown when they bumped into each other in the hallways, both on the way to their film rehearsals. the small glares when they had both offered jisung milk. the small pinches when hyunjin interupted minho and jisung's alone time. and the arrogant smirk that minho had given him the one time he beat hyunjin at soccer. 

minho had made it very clear. they would no longer be friends, in the best case, not until he had established the fact that he had won. won over jisung, to leave hyunjin in the sidelines. minho had repeatedly reminded hyunjin of how much of an idiot he truly was. habouring the blind hope that jisung would choose him of all people. especially over minho. he should've known from the very beginning it was only wishful thinking. 

he would never be able to match up to minho. not in terms of dance, where the elder had perfected his skills. and they had established this long ago, when minho had been made dance club president. at the time, hyunjin was so happy for minho, proud, even, that his friend had achieved his goals. but now, hyunjin couldn't help the green envy that creeped into his heart; that minho truly was better than him in every way. even when it came to his passion. 

he couldn't compete with minho in terms of personality either. minho and him were polar opposites, and honestly hyunjin could never believe that were such close friends before this. minho was reserved, quiet but cool. he always thought through his actions carefully, concealing his true thoughts and emotions unless deemed necessary. hyunjin admired this greatly. for he was the exact opposite; with his outspoken nature and his laughs that he now found annoying. he was boistrous and extremely loud, and for once he hated being the happy face that everyone saw him to be. hyunjin absolutely wore his heart on his sleeves, and he hated that it allowed everyone to manipulate him easily. they always managed to get in his head, just as minho did. 

and of course he couldn't compete with minho for visuals. deep down, hyunjin did know he was good looking, or at the very least, better than average. but minho, minho had the stunning korean look that everyone fell for. including jisung. his perfectly symmetrical face accompanied by his soft jawline, his deep eyes and soft lips. hyunjin couldn't compare with his minho's perfectly gentle looks. in contrast, hyunjin had a strong sharp jawline and piercing eyes, features that made him appear fiercer and more intimidating than he actually was. 

so there was really a lot to compensate for, even before minho had begun to speak. he was competing with the epitome of perfection, and he was just, hyunjin. the hwang hyunjin would still struggled with basic enunciation, hwang hyunjin who was simply a lanky and annoying eye-candy. he couldn't blame jisung for choosing minho. 

but perhaps he should've fought harder for jisung's attention. even if it was a losing fight. because jisung was the angel in his life, a kind distraction from reality. the lively boy who would cheer him up whenever he was feeling down. the cuddly boy who gave him warm hugs and encouragement. and he had let him slip through his fingers just like that, without putting up much of a fight. 

and it was too late to regret it all. hyunjin had lost, and jisung was officially dating minho. perhaps he should've held on tighter, hoping jisung could see his sincerity in his little actions. the plentiful pictures he took of the younger, the deep ingrain of each and every one of his drink orders. 

but it was too late for hyunjin. minho and jisung were together now, and all he could do was watch by the sidelines. just as he saw fit. there wasn't anything he could do anymore, other than continue to be tossed around like a ragged doll by the funny thing called life. there was no running from it, they were all in the same group of friends. and hyunjin just had to suppress everything back down, pretending to be happy for his friends. even if deep down, both him and minho knew otherwise. 

yet, hyunjin didn't expect to feel so alone. it wasn't just watching his friends get together. it was the fact that he had lost both his best friends in one go, all because of his stupid emotions. after a while, it wasn't the pda that bothered him anymore, he had become numb to it. it was the fact that he was lonely again. the same way he had been before they had picked him up the first time. 

sure, hyunjin was sociable. he had many groups of friends that he easily bounced about. like his hyungs, jinyoung and jaebeom. his peers, daehwi, bomin and sanha. and of course his own close friends with everyone from chan to jeongin. but he never felt like he fit in anywhere. because he wasn't anyone's first choice. 

hyunjin was coined the "prince" of his school, known for being friendly and undoubtedly handsome. but hyunjin could really throw it all away just to have a few close friends who would always be by his side. it was easy to have laughs with everyone, but it was difficult to have heart-to-hearts with anyone. hyunjin used to think he had minho, but not anymore. not when minho had left him, just like everyone else. 

to experience first-hand, the empty lonliness, was torturous. especially after he had known what it was like to have close friends. but he was alone again, and he didn't have a clue about what to do. he had already accepted the fact that he was merely a supporting character in his own life, but it didn't mean it all hurt less. 

the small glances everyone gave to him when they walked past could never account for the ringing in his head when teachers mentioned group projects. because hyunjin knew that he would never be anyone's first choice. he would never be the person anyone would choose first. he was the backup choice for everyone. because he wasn't as smart as seungmin, he wasn't as talented as chan, and he sure as hell wasn't perfect like minho. 

so everyone paired up nicely, save for him, who would feel the rising desperation when the clock counted down to the deadline to submit partners. he was alone, and no one would come to save him. as he should have been used to. but it still hurt every time, the pang in his chest when he knew he was left out, left alone to beg for a partner. and no one would notice, because he had inevitably changed, and he no longer showed emotions as clear as he used to. 

so all they had given him were pitiful smiles as they rejected his offer to be partners, chalking it up to the fact that hwang hyunjin would definitely have someone to do work with. except, he didn't. and he had no idea who else he could approach. 

it was pathetic, really, to feel so alone amongst a sea of people. and it was all worse with the facade that hyunjin had to continue putting up. the pretense that everything was alright in his life, that it hadn't begun cracking at the seams and falling apart again. he was so delicately put back together before, and hyunjin didn't know if he had the strength to do it again. because now he had no one. no one to ensure that he was okay, no one that cared about the fact that hyunjin barely slept anymore, choosing to drink his worries away. 

after months, it really wasn't about jisung anymore. not about losing to minho. because he could see how happy they were; their caring smiles and loving pecks. and he had learnt to slowly be happy for them. what truly hurt more than anything, was being left all alone again. 

what mattered most, was losing the fight with himself. the knowledge that he would never be anyone's first choice. not when it came to love, not when it came to academics, and not even when it came to fun. because he had come to terms with the fact that he was just one-dimentional; an empty show of laughs and perfection. 

and he couldn't cope anymore. it was so tiring to put up the facade that life was treating him just fine. it was difficult to continually extend help to others knowing he himself needed that helping hand. hyunjin was literally on the brink of collapse now, surviving on two hours of sleep everyday, body overtaken by colourful bruises and various aches. he couldn't keep doing this, and he desperately needed help.

except, what had originally started out as a distraction now became a bad habit. dancing in the empty studio until the wee hours of the morning, the downing of alcohol before the day even started. and no one noticed. not the way his smiles were tenser than before, afriad of any impending panic attacks, afraid of people pushing him the wrong way. not the way he released little winces whenever someone had touched him, the effects of his overexhaustion. not the way his movements were more sluggish than before, head buzzing with the alcohol he drunk that morning.

he was simply alone now. left with the empty shell of his body, mind already broken into uncountable fragments. perhaps he should've seen this coming from the very beginning. perhaps he should've intervened before he had spiralled to this point. because even a fool knows his limits. yet hyunjin clearly doesn't.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry I did HyunHo so dirty 😭😭😭  
> They're both the sweetest angels ever (and both my biases lol) and would probably not do each other like this despite their love-hate relationship.  
> But anyways, I hope you enjoyed!!


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